Principles I abide by(right now)
I tried to find a less clichéd title for this blog but I think writing the blog took a lot out of my creativity. After all, you cannot just wake up and write a decent size blog. As with everything, you need practise and I am definitely out of practise. One of my biggest regrets this year is not having written as much. I did start a few blogs here and there but I lost my train of thought or the interest in them, I began to feel I was being too critical or judgemental(things I decided to work on in 2021.) and I abandoned them along the way. And I’m not going to do the “Having said that” bit from Curb your Enthusiasm.
This blog came through a variety of factors. I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who said he needed some tough love. Over the last year I have stopped doling out tough love(something I did a bit too freely in mid 2010s). I started typing some advice for him and then I reckoned this might make a nice end-of- year blog. I wrote some pointers for him on how I changed over this year, I read those points again and tried to arrange them in a way that they were properly edited and I shall present them to you without further ado.
I formulated and follow these principles to live a healthier life. Much like everything I have done in the past, I am sure I am wrong in some(or all) of these. But that’s the best part about writing things down, you can always revisit your old stuff and no matter how much you cringe reading your own immaturity, you can see growth and be proud of it.
Here are the 10 principles I have adhered to over the last year(for fun, I have attached 10 of the best pictures I took last year. These pictures have nothing to do with the points):
- Remove co-dependence: My nature by default is to solve problems. This creates co-dependent relationships where one person creates problems, doesn’t solve them, comes to me and I fix them. It is not good for the other person who stays where he/she was, refuses to grow and uses me as an excuse to stay in the same place. It is bad for my mental health as I have enough to deal with in my own life. I don’t need additional problems. So, I don’t take responsibility for others problems anymore(something I did rather freely for a lot of people, including some who talked (and still talk) to me only when they need something). I do my best to give my support by listening to them, by letting them talk and then I encourage them to solve their own problems.
2. Create, don’t consume: I remained logged out of social media. I occasionally login: a.) To see if there is a Stanley post(Gwen Jorgensen and Patrick Lemieux’s son who I find to be a stress buster) b.) If I have to post something. For that, I do preparations beforehand(without logging in to social media) and then I just login and post. I avoid lingering on social media, doom scrolling. I don’t waste my time looking for inspiration and means of wasting my time. I read 27 books this year, I did enough sport despite having an edema, I can now cook decent meals(all thanks to Jamie Olivier, Yottam Ottolenghi and Shalane Flanagan’s cookbooks) including making my own bread and cookies, and I built healthy relationships around me by focusing on my personal growth.
3. Stop playing the victim: You choose everything that happens to you. If you feel that you’re not being productive, whose fault is it? Even if you get hit by car while crossing the street it is your own responsibility for not looking at the oncoming traffic(and no I am not absolving Salman Khan). Never play the victim even if you are one. Even if you are dealt a terrible hand, it your responsibility to play your hand to the best of your ability.
4. Never be heard complaining, even to your own self: I have a problem with people who complain and that includes myself. In the spring, when I got injured, I started biking and we had an unusually cold and wet spring. On one particular ride, I rode up into the Jura mountains and I didn’t have the correct gear(also the correct mindset) for that ride. It rained for 3 hours, it was close to 0 with the windchill and I was so soaked and cold, I had to stop and do jumping jacks at the side of the road. I was angry at the weather until I remembered point 3. I chose to ride in that weather, I was forced to ride because I ran recklessly for 2 years. Whatever was happening then was my own fault. To top it all, I was so far removed from my regular lifestyle that when I could make a little bit of a comeback, it was just filled with the gratitude to be able to do something. The tiny discomforts didn’t matter. A friend of mine recently told me she was having a difficult time getting back into running(after an injury much more serious than mine) and I told her that maybe like me, she can adjust the expectations of what she wants from running. It wouldn’t be the best idea to expect to run a 2:20 marathon pace, 8 months removed from running. At this point, if I can run 10 minutes without pain, it feels better to me than my best marathon.
Particularly so, is your PB or how fast you run really worth crying over? I unfollowed a bunch of people of Strava who all they did was to complain about the weather conditions because:
a.) I don’t want to be judgemental
b.) I cannot tolerate whining over these irrelevant things
Your life is a result of your choices and the problems are a result of those choices too. Imposing them on others through your complaining just makes them distance themselves from you. Before complaining, ask yourself, is it even worth getting upset over? Mostly, the answer will be no.
5. Don’t pretend: If you don’t know something, be honest and admit it. No one ever knows everything and if you act like you know everything only to end up disappointing others, you lose their faith and trust. Saying “I don’t know but I will get back to you” garners a lot more faith than faking your way through life.
On the contrary, if you know something and the situation needs you speaking up, speak up.
6. Speak your truth: I have had this tendency to bury my feelings and run a lot of miles. Running produces endorphins (which is short for endogenous morphine) and much like the drug, I forgot temporarily about the pain. But in reality, this is a band-aid while the tumor underneath is multiplying and growing. It is hard to express yourself if you, despite having an appearance of a tough guy who doesn’t care actually is like that because you really care about the world and want to make it a better place. It is hard to say stuff if you’re an introvert and it is harder to stay stuff in-person especially as you feel at ease typing or eating or running your feelings away. But that’s what life is, it is about taking the toughest challenges for yourself. Writing snide comments and burying anger won’t result in growth. On the other hand, speaking honestly definitely helps you grow.
7. Great ideas need to be implemented: Having great ideas doesn’t make you a great person. Implementing those great ideas is what make you great. Knowing your flaws is half the battle, having a vision is half the process. Implementation and follow-ups are what you need to do if you’re successful. In a way, this harks back to point 2 on why I don’t consume content from social media. It is because all of us are humans and we are the worst judges of ourselves. We might be writhing in our own filth but we won’t smell it. People on social media, even the most genuine ones, they talk about doing things but in reality they’re equally flawed. The only thing which is happening is that you feel awful about how great their life is or if you’re like me, you’re just skeptical about them and worst of all, you pass judgment on their lives. Isn’t it better to fix your life and then implementing all that wisdom you normally would re-post on social media? Also, how does it matter if someone ran 50k at 3 min/km? It doesn’t change anything meaningful in your own life, right? Unfollow these pages and instead focus on implementing your own vision.
8. There’s only one principle you should abide by: Having principles doesn’t make you a great person. Infact , a morally rigid person is called a quixotic and being quixotic will only make you unhappy. If there’s one principle you should adhere to, it is the principle of flexibility (and I don’t mean Yoga). Be flexible, be adaptable and embrace the uncertainties in life. No one can be perfect 100% of the time.
9. Control the controllables: This year I couldn’t do something I did to cope with everything in life. And normally it would’ve driven me insane. But in reality, it was the best thing that could happen to me. I got to take a step back, build a team around me, find my real friends, work on points 1–8 and above all implement point 9. I always talked about controlling the things which could be controlled, this was the year when I let go of control over things I couldn’t control. I did my best to recover, I did my best in everything else and for everything else I just let time solve everything. I didn’t waste my energy over topics I could not manage.
10. Acceptance: Lastly, I accepted myself. I accepted I cannot 100% abide by points 1–9. Perfect is the enemy of good. And who even wants to be perfect? A few days this year I could not live up to what I preached. So what? Next year there might be more days. As long as there is motion in the correct direction, there will be growth. You know, this year I did not run on my birthday? And I am still alive! (I actually didn’t even bike. I was in Morcote, a small town in the Swiss-Italian part at Gandalf Cafe).
Life is more than how fast you can run or how much you can lift. People feel the need to change their appearance because they don’t feel that they are not attractive enough as it is. People try to find comfort and wisdom in others because they think they are not wise enough as it is. Happy people don’t have to stand infront of a mirror and tell themselves that they are happy. (A couple of lines I have directly lifted from Mark Manson. Actually a lot of stuff comes from Mark Manson as along with reading 27 books, I listened to 40+ audiobooks including re-listening some good ones including the “Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck”, 3 times.). Happiness is an arbitrary concept anyways and the opposite of happiness is not sadness, it is a lack of self satisfaction. Fulfil yourself and happiness will follow.
As usual, I will completely sign out of Social media for a 7 day period from 1st January. I will try to resume a weekly blog starting 7th January and take writing a little more seriously. Please don’t expect answers out of me or engagement from me in a conversation. If I have the time and the energy to do so, it will happen. I wish you all a great start to 2022 and I hope this blog helped/helps you.
Signing off.
Peace. Plants. Great Riffs.
Arunaabh
