Project 245: Race Week

Zurich Marathon

I think anything I say about not having finished a marathon in 5 years has been said before in previous blogs. I will make no effort to dress it any differently. Instead, I will compile the observations quickly. The last time I ran a marathon(London marathon on 28/04/20219):

1. I had short hair.
2. I was single.
3. I wasn’t even 30 years old.
4. The men’s marathon record was 2:01:39 and the women’s marathon record was still held by Paula Radcliffe at 2:15:25.
5. Nike had just launched the Vaporfly Next%. I remember, because most of us were wearing the 4% flyknit (which I still contend is the best Nike racing shoe) but I overtook a few guys wearing the green vaporfly next%s. I remember distinctly telling myself “They are not 4% faster”.
6. Donald Trump was still the president of the United States of America.
7. Nobody had even imagined COVID would happen and it would change the world.
8. ChatGPT was 4 years from being released though the attention is all you need paper was floating about.
9. Thibault hadn’t yet broken 32 for a 10k.
10. Jake hadn’t yet broken 14 minutes for a 5k.
11. Alistair hadn’t yet broken 15 minutes for a 5k and in fact, he broke 4 minutes for 1500, 10 days after this marathon. Of course, he didn’t run this marathon (or any other) prior to the 1500. I had to double check Power of 10. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he had done a marathon for fun and then casually broken 4 minutes for 1500.

So, all of this has happened since I last ran a marathon. Not going to lie, it sucks to have not finished a marathon for 5 long years. I can try to be casual about it and tell you that I don’t care, but it is a huge lie. I care and I care because I work really hard for it. It is a distance which really suits me. I feel better as the distance gets longer and I really enjoy the training for a marathon too. It would’ve been less sad if I had finished a few, but was still struggling to break 2h30. Not being able to even finish? I did long runs of 38–39k already. Next time, I will just run 3–4k more and just make it a marathon. The long winded version of why I haven’t finished a marathon in 5 years is this:

In 2019, before running London I was approaching a mental burnout. It was a combination of not taking time off between Lausanne and London marathon which was causing chronic fatigue, plus the workload at the office. After handing my resignation last month, my boss asked me to fill out an excel sheet with the tasks that I do, so that they can divide the tasks and find a replacement for me. I filled out 88 cells. And some of them had multiple tasks. If I roughly divide the tasks, it comes out to 4 full-time jobs. The magnitude of the exploitation hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember the long work hours and fitting my running between. I’m not saying I’m the only one who went through this mess, just stating my truth. Also, everyone urged me to change jobs but I didn’t have confidence in myself until recently.

Over the summer of 2019, I tried to reduce the running volume to get rid of the fatigue and things were fine until my father was with me. When he went back, everything just overwhelmed me again. The work, the running and my desire to lead a life with perfection. I am guilty of overloading my day with too many items. If you struggle with it too, you should read Eknath Easwaran’s “Take your time”. One crucial thing I didn’t pay attention to was that a training plan should suit the runner’s need. I blindly tried to follow a training plan. I tried to fight my body, do workouts on the days when the plan said instead of hearing how my body felt. I really regret that. I had registered to run in the 2019 Berlin marathon, but I didn’t plan it well enough to book hotels/flights in advance. In the end, it seemed too expensive to go and so I dropped the idea of running a fall marathon. In other words I stopped following a training plan. I still ran 100–125 miles per week, but without a structure and I actually felt better. I took it easy on the days I didn’t feel I had it in me and I pushed on the days I felt good֫. Very similar to what I did this year. In September 2019, I ran a 125 mile week and followed it with a 115 mile week ending in a 72:54 half marathon in training. Clearly, I was in shape. I used that fitness to do some shorter races finishing 9th in Geneva 20k and 7th in Tata Steel Kolkata 25k.

Then 2020 came along and everything was cancelled. Training and work continued and while I was unstructured, the words “rest period” were still missing from my dictionary. In the absence of that and my tendency to run through minor injuries, in August 2020, I was majorly injured too. It was an injury which had barely healed when I attempted a comeback. Guess how it worked out for me? But did I learn a lesson? Not really because I kept pushing through the injury because by May 2021, I was getting injured every so often and then, finally on 14th May 2021 the injury really put the breaks on my training. I had a stress reaction and inflammation in a bone in my sacroiliac joint. I didn’t run any race in 2021 and for most of 2022. It wasn’t helped by the incompetent physio and doctor I was seeing. Anyways, I found my way back. I have slowly built back and last autumn, I took my shot at Lausanne marathon but was hampered by side-stitches and had to DNF. Always some fucking excuse, right?

This marathon in Zurich wasn’t even on my list. I had registered for Valencia marathon, which will be held in December 2024. I had no particular goal for the spring season. Ok, I did have one goal but it was not running related. In January 2024, I was driven to change my work situation because being in my current job was slowly becoming a mental health issue for me. Well, it was already a mental health issue, it would’ve divulged into a full blown crisis. Neither the pay nor the work quality had improved over 5 years, only more work was getting added and I finally decided to leave. My entire focus early this year was on looking for a new job. I launched 15 applications, did several interviews and did end up finding a much better job. The job search process demanded a lot of mental strength to get through and I couldn’t really subject myself to a running related goal at the same time as well. As Eliud Kipchoge says “In Kenya, we chase 1 rabbit at a time.”
So instead, I decided to continue to run my mileage and using running a therapeutic tool, finally hitting 100 miles per week after 3 years. The running was a welcome respite from the tedium of the work day. I didn’t push myself more than I could handle. Infact, I have to say this has been the build where I was mentally the most relaxed throughout the period of the build. People relax by smoking weed or tobacco or drinking or going to the spa. I relax by running 100 miles per week. I am weird. I know that.

But, knowing me I would’ve continued to run 100 mile weeks until December if I didn’t set an end date for this high mileage festival. That’s where Joan Tamb comes in. Joan is 50 years old and was a great cyclist. He also has a marathon PB of 2:48:23. He wants to run 2:45 and in his age group, that would put him on the podium of the Swiss marathon championships (Which happen to be held at the Zurich marathon). To see him succeed will be utterly joyous for me given that I see how hard he works. For me, this marathon will be the culmination of a nice training block and basically, I want to use it to remove the bogey of not having finished a marathon in 5 years. Who has 2 thumbs and no excuses for not finishing a marathon? This guy.

Also, something rubbed me off the wrong way. I was mentioning to my colleagues that I will be doing a marathon in Zurich last week and my manager, who has no clue about sport (though he claims to) tells me “Oh your best days are behind you. You’re at the age when athletes fade away.” And he has this same belief about vegetarianism. According to him vegetarians don’t enough proteins. He can suck my dick to get proteins. Listen, I know people can be ignorant and at best, they are should be ignored. But sometimes, kicking ass and living your best life despite of them is a far better idea. You know, I have tried so hard to be stoic and calm, only for people to continue being assholes to me. I have read enough stoicism to know that it doesn’t stop you from doing your absolute best and proving some shitheads wrong. I will still keep myself in check, not forcing Joan to go out at 2h20 marathon pace. But man, I really was getting complacent. I had begun to wonder if running a fast marathon has any meaning at all. Or running fast has matters to me at all. One ignorant comment has given me the answer. It matters a fucking lot.

I am much more whole as a person as compared to 2019. I don’t have the same emptiness and the same desire to prove myself to others. I answer to me now. I have learnt stuff and grown as a person. And for some reason, as part of this growth I tried to kill my running-related competitiveness instead of embracing it. Running matters to me and running a fast time matters a lot to me. I don’t want to pretend that I am happy with my DNFs. I work hard to get myself to the start line in great shape. I don’t see any other motherfuckers in January, running thresholds at 7 AM in the dark. I don’t see any other fuckers working 10 hour shifts and dialing in every single thing about their nutrition, hydration and doing countless fucking hours of cross training. I work as hard, if not harder than anyone else out there. I see fucking losers who run faster than me and I am pissed off about it. I own this emotion. I own these feelings. As a person I am very calm and I feel everyone is great but as a runner, I am on fire and I want to burn this place down. I don’t know if you, dear reader, have the same dichotomy and if you can relate.

PS: I know people are not losers but my self-drive works very well when I am angry and I am not going to try to change that when I am competing.

It is this dichotomy I struggled with for a long time. I kept showing up to start lines and giving way too much respect to people. Yes, they deserve respect and yes, they will get it outside of the race. Inside the race, inside a training session, I view people as obstacles to my success. I am in general a good guy. It’s just that I don’t want to be one on race day. This is who I am and this is what led me to take a huge risk and move to Switzerland. This fire to prove myself resulted in me not killing myself when I had no money and no job. This fire has served me very well and it was reignited when I started looking for a job.

I will pad this next paragraph by saying I love the British people now, some of my best friends are British. But going back to the early 1900s and talking about the British Raj, they set this mindset in our (Indian) people that they were doing a favour on us by exploiting our country. The discrimination, the genocide and the daylight robbery was all for the good of the Indians. Yeah, sure. Toxic relationships work the same way. In December 2023, I was particularly pissed after what I had been promised by my boss and director was not delivered to me. I also remember my boss telling me “If you don’t get what was promised, it is a sign that the company doesn’t want to retain you”. Hurt and betrayed, I asked for a meeting with my director and he came with the same bullshit that the British told the Indians “You should be grateful for what you received.”

Listen mate. I understand gratitude. I practise it every day. But when you exploit someone for 5 years and ruin their life, underpaying them and demeaning them, asking them to be grateful is akin asking a starving African to be grateful for the clean air around them. It doesn’t do shit. I am qualified for my job and the company doesn’t do favours by paying me. Fair payment and good working hours should be a part of a fair exchange of services in lieu of money. For me, It is the same thing in running. I worked hard and I am done being satisfied with mediocrity. I know I am capable of better, faster times and I will own my desire to get to them. I also understand that getting to them require rest periods and an ability to switch off, something I will work towards.

Having said that, I would like re-emphasize that I will not abandon Joan in the shadow of this reignited fire. I made a commitment to him and for me success in this marathon first of all means helping Joan to 2:45. But later in the year, I will use this drive to train better, rest better and race better. For now, it’s time to relax and mentally let go. Best races are run when the mind is relaxed and my goal this week is to be as relaxed as possible.

How the race week is going:

Well, not gonna lie: While I didn’t follow any training plan during the base phase, I did refer to my old training plan for the taper phase because reducing intensity is not my strong suit. I will also follow the training plan for the rest & recovery after the marathon, properly considering the rest days and actually not running on those days.

And when I saw the plan for this week and saw that there was a double on Tuesday, I flipped out. Fuck that. I have had my fair share of doubles, in the big weeks I was doing doubles 4 days a week. Trying to convince myself to do a double on race week is not going to happen. I was able to fit in the initial load of doubles by basically making them a part of my day’s flow. A longer (70–80') run in the AM (or shorter on double recovery days) and then after working for a few hours, another run at lunchtime. It was a nice setup and I often got Jake’s company on those and once in the build it was an actual group run. (The Strava title for that activity is cryptic and just says “Cottage”. It’s an inside joke.)

But I am now removed from that rhythm. The fact to carry my stuff down to the office with me, to wait in line in the showers and then basically compensating the time by working late, it is ok when I have the tunnel vision of a training build. Now my mindset is race-focused and a lot more focussed on maximizing recovery. Long and short of it: I love doubles but I ain’t doing them on race week.

Monday was an easy recovery run, which went well. But I complicated my evening by subjecting myself (and Béné, who was courageous that day) to an insanely difficult Power Yoga core workout. I have done it before and as is the case with our brain, the “remembering self” only remembered the pleasant cooldown and the “experiencing self” only had a déja-vu on the 30th vinyasa flow. With arms sore, I went into Tuesday’s run a tad gingerly. The legs however, feel absolutely fine. Did a nice 10 mile run in 1 go. And I feel I have said this before, the way a Sub 70 minute 10 mile run feels is a good indication of fitness. In the off-season, 70 minutes for 10 miles on my standard loop (which begins with around a 3k downhill losing 150–170 meters and then finishes with a 3k uphill, climbing the same amount of course), feels like death. When in shape, even the uphills seem flat. Usually, I run faster for the uphill kilometers compared to the downhill kilometers and it feels easy in peak fitness. And it was the same on Tuesday. I did it very Kenyan style, wearing a jacket and long tights because the weather went from being 25 degrees and sunny on Sunday afternoon to 5 degrees and rain on Tuesday morning. Plus I did some good work and stretching in the evening. Btw, if you want 1 core workout which is done in less than 20 minutes and leaves you hurting for days, try this:

Wednesday was the last real workout of the week before Sunday. Easy jog down, 2 more kilometers and then 4k at marathon pace. It feels really good to run fast. The pace felt smooth and it was closer to the zone between my threshold/marathon pace (averaging 5:30/mile, 2:24 marathon pace) instead of what I am supposed to do on Sunday(which is 6:18/mile, 2:45 marathon pace). Thursday, Friday and Saturday were all recovery runs leading into race day. As I was working from home and Thursday and Friday were 10k and 8k, I took the bus down and back up to avoid running hills. Saturday I needed to catch the train to Zurich, so avoided public transport just running 2 miles down and 2 miles up.

In terms of diet and health, I did catch a bit of a head cold last week with the changes in weather and this whole week is about remedying it. I realized with the constant drinking of 3–4 liters of water per day and running a lot, my immune system is compromised. This is not an ad, but I started taking AG1 because I had some leftover and I didn’t want to waste it. And because it has a lot of added vitamins and minerals, combined with my depleted state, it really helped*. I also have been solely drinking warm water, which has helped with throat and digestion.

*PS: Please don’t just solely rely on AG1. A wholesome diet is crucial to your health which includes eating proper food. AG1 is just a supplement which can further improve your diet e.g. in my case when I am pissing away most of my nutrients by drinking 3–4 liters per day.

I have also cut down on my sugar intake which is going rather well. Sugar is such a terrible drug and especially during marathon builds when my goal is to hold on to the weight, nothing is better than a lot of sugar. 2 teaspoons in a cup of coffee plus some vanilla sugar, gels in training, maple syrup in oats or chocolate muesli and copious consumption of dark chocolate. But all of this has a terrible effect on long term health. But now I’m approaching race day and then a period of rest, so other than race day I don’t need to consume gels. I’m down to 1 teaspoon of sugar in 1 cup of coffee(I just drink 1 cup) and 1/2 teaspoon honey in the golden milk I drink at night. By the end of 5 weeks, my goal is to go to only naturally occurring sugar sources. The deprivation hits you hard, with your mouth salivating after lunch or dinner with a demand for a sugar fix. It’s not healthy to have such a dependence.

Post Script: As I hit publish, adding just a small note to say that I did manage to finish my first marathon in 5 years. I paced a group of people until about 25k. Then Joan began to fall back, so I took my foot off the gas and went to him but he didn’t seem that good and we were running slower, so I went back to 3:55/km and caught the front group. All of them were struggling too, so I just ran a bit faster until I found another group of people and paced them. I finished in 2:43:36 and it snowed during the race! So, yeah quite epic. Will write about it next week. Sorry about the lack of photos, as I was busy with race week.

Here are some pictures from the phone of Zürich:

Also, this shop from the future in Lausanne(or maybe the owner was just high):